A few weeks ago while in the Uda Walawe area I met an opposition party MP who had come to help in the provincial election campaign for the local candidates. As I listened to the interesting stories he was relating, I could not help but be amazed as to what we have come to accept as normal, even if the behavior was total unacceptable to civilized society. He told me of the impending violence, the gangs of thugs coming into the area to support the government party and at the same time how they were mobilizing their own thugs to respond. It was related as if it was normal to have this kind of boorish behavior from the so called leaders of this nation.
So, we wonder why we are still lagging far behind in our system of justice, freedom of speech, economic prosperity, education, ability to compete in business and sports internationally, to have an acceptable quality of life for all and to live in dignity.
Accepting this type of behavior, in an era of advanced technologies to connect the world, for space travel and more is a real contradiction. We have focused on the physical world and ignored developing our minds. That is why when two people disagree, the response is often the primitive one of violence.
In many parts of the world, these issues are being debated and addressed, but in Sri Lanka, unfortunately it is even perpetuated at the highest seat of the government - the parliament.
Where does this all start ?.
The Home
If charity begins at home, then we have to focus on the importance of positive parenting. This is where it all starts. We as parents set the values and behave accordingly to live those values to be a wonderful example to our children to emulate. This is our biggest challenge as we tend to take parenting for granted as natural. We may have qualities to be good parents, but it is also a skill. If we are not aware, we could use our power as a parent in un-healthy ways to steer children. Apart from our natural capabilities, we emulate the way we were parented, how our teachers treated us and finally how our leaders, at work and at play treat us. The model we have in Sri Lanka is yet very traditional and hierarchical. This system does not value the powerless, beginning with our children, so we impose our will on them, wittingly or not treat them poorly and essentially hurt their self esteem.
Children can get negatively impacted in many ways. It is not violence alone that would hurt them. Lack of love, neglect, no appreciation, negative thinking, lack of support and other types of mental abuse will hurt them. When a child grows up in a home where they have to protect themselves from their own parents, naturally they will develop their own survival mechanism. This develops in the form of ego to envelope fears they have so they can continue to face their daily challenges outside the home. This leads to low self esteem and a fragile ego which is protected by being mean spirited and even violent.
Lack of understanding the psychology behind parenting perpetuates a system that is fraught with fear, jealousy, hatred and finally a violent response we come to believe as normal.
To add to it, because we as parents do not have time, children spend many hours a day sitting in front of a TV watching violent acts, reinforcing this further.
Treating children with love and respect, listening to them, appreciating them will build their esteem and confidence. They will become generous and open as love will dominate their hearts.
The School
Then comes the school. If we have to hit students to discipline them, we have failed as a society. I am so happy that many schools do not tolerate the degrading corporal punishment anymore. This should become the norm for the entire education system. Schools should be positive environments to encourage young people to learn and think freely, instead we have a system based on fear, control and the final verdict coming from an exam. The exam focus makes the system target driven and not process oriented. Coming to school becomes drudgery when young people cannot relish the joy of learning, playing sports, the arts and culture - making music, acting, singing, dancing - or just hanging out with friends. The system is teacher focused where the power is concentrated on the establishment and not shared with the students. To add insult to injury, when the school day ends, they have to continue with their books to tuition classes. This is another kind of violence the system unleashes on the students who are driven to be narrow focused, competitive and selfish. Fear drives the system and naturally the response is violent.
Schools have to become more student centered and cater to the needs of the world around them. For instance, in teaching religion they should not be made to memorize stanzas, but to teach them real values and behaviors coming out of these philosophies that will help them to decide what is right and wrong. Finally, they should be appreciated for who they are and given the freedom to make choices based on their abilities and interests. This respect will build love for self and compassion for others. They will then have the esteem and confidence to make right choices.
Our Universities
Then comes our universities. I have never heard of a university system in modern times anywhere the world where the students hurt their own through the ancient ritual of ragging and vandalize their own property. This kind of barbaric self infliction of pain and violence is yet thought to be normal by many. Recently, I met with a number of university students and when I asked them whether they have been ragged, most hands went up. As they were final year students, when I asked them whether they had ragged anyone else, reluctantly a few male hands went up. When I asked them why they hurt others when they themselves were hurt when they were ragged, they responded; “it is the accepted norm”. So, we perpetuate this cycle of violence as normal.
Next, a common response to implementing novel progressive ideas to keep up with a changing world or any disciplinary action taken by the management is to take violent action against people even with death, damage to property or equipment. I do not even have to delve on this barbaric behavior, but it is clearly action of people who do not respect themselves, so they are not inclined to respect others.
There is also a two way process here, where we have to examine the way the university system is also managed. Like the school system is it also hierarchical, archaic and teacher centered ?. Maybe, if students are given more power and responsibility they may not hurt what is their own.
We do not have to look far to see best practice in university education. India has become world class now. Universities have to become open to the outside world, be it the business sector and even international students to become broad based and increase diversity. There has to be the will to change this closed system through dialogue with all the stakeholders, then we will see universities playing a lead role in shaping a positive future for Sri Lanka.
The Working World
Then comes the world of work. Many organizations are yet run in a very hierarchical manner. Even though physical violence may not be a norm anymore, verbal abuse continues. All you need to do is to talk to some of the women working in the garment industry. When I ask managers why this continues, I yet get responses such as; “if we don’t shout they don’t work”. The result is an acute shortage of workers as they rather stay at home and be poor than face the violence of the abuse.
Then there are the rural communities where thousands of women have left their homes to the middle east of earn money. The mother ‘s void has broken the cohesion of the family unit and often the father squanders the money on alcohol and commits violence against their own families. The social fabric of our once tranquil and value based rural areas have been broken and violence has become the norm.
The Government
Then comes the government. The ongoing war, acts of violence and bombs directed at civilians both in the north and the south has made violence a part of the routine of daily life. In the name of the war, the government has turned violent on its own citizens. Whether it is taking on the LTTE head on, or checking innocent people in the north and the south, the response is violent. There are uniforms and guns involved. At the end of the day, a vocation in the army is to be trained to kill. So, can we blame these soldiers when they respond violently as that is how they have been conditioned by the system. So, we accept their violence too in the name of freedom, nationhood, race and religion.
Religion
Then I come to religion. I could proudly proclaim that in history Buddhism was a religion that never ever used violence or shed to blood perpetuate or protect the Dhamma. History of Christianity and Islam cannot claim this and the violence continues to date in different forms. However, I lament at the way Sri Lanka perpetuates and protects is Dhamma and the Sangha. We go to temple and do the ritual but we fail t live the non-violent philosophy of the Dhamma. The other day seeing a Sangha representing the people protected by a gun was the ultimate contradiction.
In our Dhamma we have all the answers. Love and compassion to fellow beings and nature around us, equanimity is the undisputed call of the Dhamma.
Therefore, we need to examine how we perpetuate our Dhamma now. How can I be proud when we call ourselves a Buddhist nation and act in total contrast to the very nature and the values of the Buddha Dhamma?
So, why should I be so surprised that we have also fallen prey to the most basic of human frailties - fear, in the name of globalization where money and economics share the top spot for god and looking around us to notice that violence has perpetuated that system over the last 500 years and we in Sri Lanka have finally been dragged down to their level.
At least in the west, they have set up systems of justice to look after their own. The violence is unleashed at outsiders only. Our violence is directed at ourselves.
We need to reflect and talk about all this! May all beings be well and happy!
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